“Oh my God, Gabriel! You scared the shit out of me!” Luis exclaimed when he saw a six-foot tall guy sitting on the chair by his desk, staring at his smart phone.
“You weren’t answering,” Gabriel, the six-foot tall guy replied. “So your Mom let me in. And hey, your door was unlocked.”
“But still!” Luis yelled. He pushed a pillow over his face and asked, in a muffled voice, “Ugh, what do you want?”
Luis had already clicked the Pause button on his earphones, but there was no reply from Gabriel. He wondered what he wanted that time. It was not the first time that he dropped by at their place. Gabriel was often at Luis’ house because he was Alonzo’s best friend. His parents knew him and were fond of him. He was even present at his brother’s four-day wake.
He replaced the pillow to his side and sat upright. “Gabriel,” he called.
“Hmm?” he answered, without looking up from his phone.
“What do you want, Gabriel?”
“Have you heard of the Cups of Fiction café?” he asked. Gabriel then flashed his phone to Luis. He was reading a review about the café. Of course, I know that place, Luis thought.
“It was Kuya’s place,” he replied almost wistfully. He noticed that Gabriel’s smile slowly saddened and disappeared. He went back scrolling through his phone. “Let’s visit the place,” Gabriel said.
The last time he visited Luis was to invite him to watch a film that Alonzo had been raving about. And the other time was to watch a local band play – a band his brother liked. Now, the café his Kuya frequented to. Luis remembered that Gabriel was so devastated when Alonzo died. It was the only clear thing that he could remember from that awful week of tears and candles and condolences. He remembered seeing his parents hugged a distressed and sobbing Gabriel, coaxing him. They were best friends, he thought. Luis envied their relationship, their bond, their brotherhood. He didn’t have a Gabriel in his life. He only had Alonzo, but then he was gone. Suddenly, he could feel his fists curling up in anger and his throat lodged. He heaved. He inhaled and exhaled, trying to control and ultimately stop the sob coming up. He stood and walked out of the room, to the bathroom. Once there, he stared at his reflection. His face was contorted with emotions he had been repressing. “Get your shit together,” he whispered to the guy staring back at him. He inhaled and exhaled.
He lost track of how long he was in the bathroom, but when he came back to his room, Gabriel was still there. He looked up when Luis came back. “So, are you game?” he asked. Luis looked at his Kuya’s best friend, trying to find some clue as to why he’s been behaving like this. They weren’t exactly close, him and Gabriel. Sometimes, Alonzo would invite Luis play Xbox with them, or would ask him if he would like to watch a movie with him and Gabriel. But they were never really close. That’s why it surprised Luis when Gabriel invited him to go watch a film, just the two of them. Perhaps, he was still grieving, Luis thought. Perhaps, he was grieving way too much. “Sure,” Luis replied.
When Luis got in to Gabriel’s car, he saw the clutter right away. There were clothes on the back seat and food wrappers and plastic bags and beer bottles on the floor underneath it. “Never mind the mess,” Gabriel said nonchalantly. Up close, that’s when Luis noticed the bags under Gabriel’s eyes. “Have you been sleeping?” Luis commented. He instinctively rubbed his eyes and replied, “Yeah, but not much.” His brother had passed a month ago. Luis had started moving on; his parents weren’t doing as great, but they’re slowly getting there. But much worse was Gabriel’s state. It’s as if Alonzo died just a week ago, or the other day. Luis found himself putting the seatbelt on. Gabriel laughed when he noted. “Don’t worry,” he said. “I’d stay awake while driving.”
They got to the café safely. Luis went inside first, as per Gabriel’s instruction. A moment later, he entered, with a different shirt. “I’d been wearing that shirt since yesterday,” Gabriel whispered, crouching down to Luis’ ear. His breath smelled of mint candy. He stood upright and asked, “So what do you want, Alonzo?” Gabriel sensed the mistake he just did and laughed rather loudly. “Luis! I meant, Luis! But you’re also an Alonzo right?” Luis was staring at Gabriel who ignored him. He was right, though. Luis was also an Alonzo; Alonzo Luis, while his Kuya was Alonzo Gian. He preferred to be called Luis to avoid confusion and the shadowing. “Hey, why don’t I make the order, and you go find us a seat?” he suggested. Gabriel was rubbing his eyes again and said, “Sure. Get me a cappuccino and a scone.” He fished his wallet from his back pocket and gave Luis a thousand-peso bill. “Here, and order whatever you like.” Gabriel was still rubbing his eyes when he left Luis’ side. He even bumped to a customer. He mumbled an apology and disappeared behind the wall.
Luis placed their orders on the table Gabriel found. He was once again, scrolling at his phone. Gabriel found the scone and bit off a small portion without looking up. Luis watched him, and the other guy noticed. Gabriel looked at him, stopped chewing and raised his eyebrows to him. “Nothing,” Luis mumbled. Gabriel looked back at his phone. “Are you okay?” Luis abruptly asked. He saw how Gabriel’s chews slowed down. “Huh,” he replied almost surprised. “Yeah, of course I’m okay.”
Luis didn’t like talking about his dead brother. In the past month, he had almost successfully avoided talking about him altogether. At dinner, when his Mom mentioned Alonzo, Luis ignored it. When he heard sobbing on the room next door—his brother’s – he amped up the volume of his music. When people shared their condolences, put their hands on his shoulder and asked how he’d been doing, Luis responded routinely. But at the moment, he began talking about Alonzo.
“Kuya would ask me to go to this place with him when he had to study,” Luis began. “He didn’t like going to places alone. I’d ask him, ‘Why don’t you ask Gabriel?’ Then he would answer, ‘Eh, the guy liked to study alone. I didn’t want to disturb him.’” Gabriel looked at Luis when he began talking, and he smiled at the mention of his name. “So he would drag me here. We became frequents here because Kuya had to study a lot—” Luis laughed, and so did Gabriel, followed by a nod of confirmation. “But then this place just grew on me. Sometimes, I would go here alone, to chill. I would bring a book with me and just read until dark. When I got home, Kuya would ask me, ‘Where have you been?’ I would answer, ‘To the café.’ And he would smile. But then shit happened and I stopped going here. This is the first time I went here after the incident.” Gabriel placed his phone, screen-up. Right before the phone timed-out, Luis saw that Gabriel’s home screen wallpaper was a picture of him and Alonzo. He thought Gabriel noticed. He thought Gabriel wanted him to see.
It was already dark when Gabriel parked his car in front of Luis’ house. He was about to get out of the car when Gabriel called, “Hey.” Luis shut the car door and looked at him. “Thank you,” Gabriel said. He began rubbing his eyes again, but droplets of tears escaped his hands. “I’m sorry,” Gabriel mumbled. Luis rubbed Alonzo’s best friend’s shoulder and coaxed him. He didn’t see that he, too, was crying. I bet we’re thinking about his smile and his laugh, Luis thought. He heaved and sobbed. All his repressed emotion was suddenly poured on his feet. When Luis began crying, it was almost impossible to stop. And Gabriel was hugging him tight, with his tears wetting Luis’ shirt. It took a while before the two guys stopped crying. They wiped the tears, but their eyes were already bloodshot. They breathed in an almost rhythmic pattern, heavy and deep. It was Luis who talked: “Thank you.” Gabriel smiled at him and for a moment, he saw Alonzo in his eyes. They shared one last hug and Luis finally got off the car. Gabriel honked his horn goodbye and rolled away. Luis found himself whispering a little prayer. “Keep him safe, Kuya.”
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