PART FOUR: We'll Cut Our Bodies Free From the Tethers of This Scene
It was during his second week of stay when Parallel New asked me about this universe’s New. We were both in the living room, reading our separate books. The question came out of nowhere that it took me a while to process it. In my head, I thought, why would New ask about himself? Then, just like every time I got confused, his right ear blinked green.
“Why do you ask?” I tell him. I slid an old-receipt-turned-bookmark to the hardbound I was reading. Conversely, he had his finger as a bookmark. Very New.
“Nothing. I just had a déjà vu moment,” he said.
“Huh?”
He laughed and it sounded so much like Hin’s. I felt an unwelcome, but familiar pang in the chest.
“In Gaia, when we learned about the existence of a world that is an exact parallel of ours, we also discovered that we had parallel versions of ourselves and that we’re somehow connected. We had a different term for it, but in here, your people call it a déjà vu moment. When that happens, our versions’ consciousness swapped briefly,” he explained.
I grabbed my head and feigned ache. “Ooooh,” I said. “This is making my head hurt.”
He laughed that Hin laugh again and replied, “That’s okay. It also took me a while to fully grasp the concept of parallel worlds.”
For a moment, he was just looking at me and then I remembered that he asked me a question earlier. I looked down at the book on my hand. It was Ocean Vuong’s On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous, a gift from Hin. On the front page, New had a note written on it, with his distinctly small handwriting.
“Te—
I know how much you wanted this. So here you go. I love you.
Hin.”
I absently traced the lettering on the cover as I said, “This was a gift from Hin. It’s so like him to surprise me with little things. We were in a bookstore and I saw a copy of this. I told him I was anticipating the book’s release, but I couldn’t buy it then because I didn’t have a job. The next morning, I woke up with this book on my bedside drawer. It wasn’t my birthday and it wasn’t our anniversary. He told me that it’s just a token of gratitude because I loved him.”
I looked up at Parallel New who was staring intently at me. He had a sad smile plastered on his face. “You’re crying, Tay.” I wiped my face. I didn’t notice that.
“I’m sorry,” I gave a light chuckle.
“How long have you been together?”
“Five years.”
“That’s a long time.”
“I know. But then five years—poof! Gone. Nada.”
“What happened, Tay?”
That question froze me. That’s the same one I had asked myself every day for the last three years. What happened? Where did I go wrong? What did I do? What didn’t I do? The answers hopped on a plane bound for Italy.
“Can we talk about it some other time?” I said. Parallel New nodded and reopened the book he was holding. I stared at the black-and-white skin on the cover of the hardbound and went back to the marked page.
A few days later, Parallel New declared that he was going shopping. I was in the living room, binge-watching a series, when he came out from the bedroom and said, “I’m going shopping.” I paused the episode and saw him standing there, wearing the same clothes he was in the first night we met. I replayed the video I was watching on my iPad and told him that I’d finish this one episode and then we’d go. But he said that he was going alone. This time, I flipped the iPad cover on it and looked at him.
“Do you know where to go?”
“No.”
“Do you know how to go wherever it is you’re going to?”
“No.”
“Do you know what a jeepney looks like?”
“Sort of.”
“Do you have money?”
“Yes.”
“Peso?”
“Yes.”
“And you’re still going by yourself?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
Instead of answering, he sat next to me on the couch. “I need the time alone.”
“Why? You’re getting tired of being with me?”
He shifted, looked at me as he grabbed my hands. I felt him rubbing his thumbs on it. I pulled away.
“I’m just worried,” I told him. “You’re not familiar with the place.”
“You don’t have to worry. STACY will help me.”
“Stacy? Who’s Stacy?”
“The chip.”
“The chip has a name?”
“Well, not exactly the chip. The A.I. within the chip. It’s STACY. Space Travel Agent, Companion, and Yacht.”
“Yacht?”
“That’s the vessel I was in.”
“Oh. We call that a space...ship.” I laughed when I realized the similarity. New was just smiling at me. “You don’t get it?” He shook his head. “It’s because you call yours a yacht and we call ours a ship and—” I could see he still couldn’t get it. “Never mind.”
I fished my phone from my pocket and gave it to him. “If you need any help, call the contact Me 2. That’s my other phone. The passcode is—” I paused. I still hadn’t changed it. I should change it. It’s still Hin’s name. “—8914.” He got the phone, stood up, and said, “Do you have anything you need that I can buy?”
There’s something in his face that I couldn’t quite pinpoint. But I grabbed my iPad, unflipped the cover, and told him that I didn’t need anything and that he should lock the door behind him. I was back on the episode I was watching when I felt him kiss the top of my head. I turned to him, but he was already by the door. He waved goodbye and closed it. New used to do that a lot. I tried to focus on the video I was watching, but I couldn’t. I closed the iPad and stared at the living room window.
He was back in a few hours. I was already making dinner when I heard the door open and close.
“Tay?” he called.
“In here.”
I heard him drop something in the next room. I was chopping up vegetables when he walked in, hiding something behind his back. “I got you a gift.” I put the knife down and asked, “For what occasion?” He walked closer to me and he was standing behind the counter. “Nothing. I just felt like giving you a gift. For letting me stay with you here.” He placed the paper bag he was hiding on the counter. I wiped my hand on the kitchen towel and pulled what was inside. It was a copy of Ocean Vuong’s Night Sky with Exit Wounds. I heard myself gasp when I saw it. As far as I remembered, there was no available copy here in the country and I’d had to order internationally. Even though I really wanted to own one, it was really pricey.
“How—what—where,” I stuttered. I was shaking as I held the book in my hands. “New, you didn’t have to get me this. I couldn’t take this.” I put it back on the paper bag and slid it to him. He pushed it back.
“Keep it. That’s a gift,” he said with a smile.
“I’ll pay you back. How much is this? Let me just get my wallet.”
I walked past him, but he grabbed my hand.
“Tay,” he said. “It’s a gift. You don’t have to pay me.”
I turned to him and he had the book in his hand. I took it from him.
“I’m only taking this because my Mom taught me not to reject blessings.” We laughed and I thanked him. I didn’t know why, but right then, I kissed him. I was surprised when I realized what I did and immediately pulled away. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.” But Parallel New held my hand and pulled me towards him. He kissed me deeply, the kind that you’d feel in your soul, the life-changing kind. And that kiss did change my life. It was after that when I realized that he could be Hin, my Hin.
**
He was in the room, Night Sky with Exit Wounds in his hands when I found him. Standing beside the bed was a huge suitcase that I didn’t know I had. I remained by the doorway as I studied him. Do I really love him or do I love the idea of him? Of who he reminds me of? Out of nowhere, I heard Hin’s promise to me: “No matter what universe we’re in, I know I’d love you the same.” And maybe I was not meant for this universe’s New, but I was destined for him. That’s possible, right? He put the book down on the table and turned to me. He smiled a sad one. He was saying goodbye.
“Where are you going?” Of course I already knew the answer to that.
“Back to Gaia.”
He sat on the bed and beckoned me to sit next to him. I did and I leaned my head on his shoulder. He grabbed my hand and stared at it. The moon was full that night and my hand glowed under its light. He kissed my palm deeply and put it back down.
“Do you still love him?” he asked.
I was silent for a moment, our breathing was the only thing that could be heard. “I do.”
“I see. I’m sorry I couldn’t be him.” He spoke the second sentence softly that I almost didn’t hear.
“We could be like this forever, you know,” he said warily. “You could pretend that I’m him for as long as you want, until all that love you have for him, flowed to me instead.”
“But what about your home? Don’t you miss it?”
He shifted from his seat, so I took my head from his shoulder. He looked at me, half his face glowing, the other half in the shadows. “You are my home now,” he said.
And I thought that yes, it’s possible to love and be with a parallel version of Hin.
Read Part Five and Epilogue here.
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